小魚兒的文字天地

I know I'm wasting too much time on this person. But all the anger didn't get out when that bastard got to Round 3, and I don't have Fabian with me to rant anymore, so I figured that typing this out here would be the best.

That bastard was a friend. WAS. I just mentally ended our relationship because he assumed the worst out of me when he didn't get what he wanted. Whether intentionally done or not was another thing; he was just being a sore thumb throughout (and Fabian agrees with me) and it got to the point where I apologized for giving him all assumptions that he had about me. I FUCKING APOLOGIZE TO THAT BASTARD CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? And that's when I decided enough is enough. Yes, the discussion may have started off as "work" and cutting him off on a personal level may not be fair. But the things that he said about fairness, authority, sugar coating, effort, etc is definitely affecting me on a personal level. I got through two rounds of rubbish with him, which took 3.5 hours, and a third round at 5.30 in the fucking morning. And I'm sure with all the rubbish that I've gotten, I have every right to cut all of this off now.

Hence when Round 3 ended, I just wilted and read Ice so that I can calm myself down. But the part about Jihye makes me wanna bawl.

And for once, I'm entertaining the idea of being introduced.

Though for sure I know nothing would happen between us, and I'm enjoying the sheer hilarity of all these because it is refreshing, but the thought having someone by your side when you are conversing with that bastard hits me. Especially when I thought I ended the night pretty well. I have no fucking idea (pardon my language because I really need to get this all out) when was the last time a guy treated me this kindly. Helping me in my job, taking orders for my food, letting me play the game I wanted to play... And come to think of it, would I have help him do the job if he was in my position? Probably not. But he did for me and it kinda tells a lot (which I've just realised by the way, after 12 hours. Sigh, no wonder my cousin called me a hopeless kid).

I told Fabian I'm waiting for the right guy to fall from the sky. And when Fabian told him that, he says he's willing to sky dive from a building. And I BLOODY HELL CANNOT TELL if he's hinting me or telling it as a joke.

HOW DO YOU EVEN WORK THIS OUT?

And in the first place I don't know if he's entertaining the idea, or if he's just trolling around, like what I think I'm doing now.

Sigh, hopeless kid.

But to be frank with myself, if he takes the first step next time, I think I can entertain the idea all the way. Though I'm not sure if that means I can fall in love with him, or if I am falling in love with the IDEA of falling in love with him.

Oh wells, 'next time' won't be soon anyway I'm very sure. Or even never. And I need to entertain the idea of falling asleep first before anything.

6.41am. BLOODY HELL.